sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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