Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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