I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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