it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
