Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
