I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
