just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
