I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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