So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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