so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
