Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
