I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
