I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
