I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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