the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
