You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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