please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
