yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
