How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I love having hate sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
