My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Did I show you my penis last night?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
