Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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