You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
