so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't turn off my feet"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
