I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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