because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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