youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
