dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
