not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
