I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
