I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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