Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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