Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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