Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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