my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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