i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
