I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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