Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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