he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
