Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
