Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
did i just pee glitter
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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