Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If I die, sorry about rent.
A+ Viking dick
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
