Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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