Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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