none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
