Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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