"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
