I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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