There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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