Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
