Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
