Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
