i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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