shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
