he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
