My entire life is one complicated drinking game
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
